I had this thought occur to me not too long ago, and it was a realization on the nature of why I’ve been feeling unhappy about my life. And I wanted to explore that same thought and apologize to myself by making myself a promise on the internet that I will do better. That isn’t just a resolution of some sort, it’s an actual promise.
The reason that I have been so unhappy is actually very simple- I’m not doing anything to change my life for the better. I’m not making any positive changes to my lifestyle; all I come up with are ideas. I’m sure I’m not the only one out there who deals with this sort of thing. We go through our day to day lives unhappy with the results we get, but we aren’t doing much to impact those results. New Years comes around and we make all these grand plans to change our lives completely, but we don’t realize it’s a process that unfortunately takes a significant amount of effort. We put in maybe about 5% of that effort, label it as progress, and then call it a day. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. I’ve been at this for years, and I’m only 21. I don’t want to keep living my life in this sad way. So many of my goals have been left unaccomplished, and it’s because I put everything off. I’ve tried to change things, but if I have realized one thing it’s that I haven’t persisted at doing the things that I know I need to do. I’ve only manage to persist in begging myself to do better, yet better things never happen. A lot of this has been attributed to personal mental health struggles; however, what in the world am I doing to help myself overcome those other than to think of ideas of future plans? Seeing a professional would be a fantastic start, Eva. How about making an appointment to figure out why you can’t seem to focus on a task for more than an hour at most?
I miss the days in which I had my life together for the most part. The many times I would spend hours upon hours at the library teaching myself Algebra and Calculus. How about those effective all-nighters? Not that I would let myself pull all-nighters anymore, but the ones that I pulled during my freshman year of community college were highly effective in the way that I approached them. They were only effective because I had a very decent amount of confidence and a definite plan to get stellar grades. That drive that I once had isn’t there anymore, and I have wanted it back for the past two years.
So, here is my promise to myself: Starting from now, I’m going to make an effort everyday to prioritize the important tasks in my life that I deem to be necessary to get done. These include my well being, my health, my happiness (this is very important), my classwork, my job (and pursuit of a future job), and (this is also extremely important) my chores.
I also want to be able to save money and budget it appropriately/responsibly. And working on my writing skills? Yeah. These things are important and by avoiding them, what am I essentially doing with my life other than wasting it away? Investing in all aspects of your future is important, guys. I hope this letter inspires others out there like me who are hopefuls.
Anything is possible, and I have proven it to myself before.
I love myself so much more than to let my impulsive and irresponsible qualities win.
[photo is of my effective study days]